Approximately one in four women will miscarry in their life.
I never thought that I would be one of these women. I have been debating whether or not to speak openly about this due to the stigma surrounding this subject.
I am not looking for sympathy, I just want share my experience with other ladies who have found themselves in the same position.
Here is the pregnancy test which I found to be positive on the day of my missed period, just one period in after having Rory.
The next morning it was stronger. A couple of days went by and the line disappeared and reappeared over multiple tests, different brands of tests, different strengths of tests. I felt so confused, hurt and worried, but masked this
I spoke to my friends, family and eventually my GP. At this point, it had been around 2 weeks since the first positive tests. I felt pregnant, I was experiencing nausea, breast pain, round ligament pain exactly the same as my first pregnancy, all with negative or faint positive pregnancy tests.
I spoke to a GP and she, without going into any details with me, told me that I had miscarried and to basically “get on with it”.
I obviously was extremely upset that I was spoken to like this, and could never imagine myself treating another woman this way. A few days later I spoke with my regular GP and he arranged blood tests to check my HCG levels to see if I was still pregnant or miscarrying.
The results came back negative, but continued having faint positive pregnancy tests. So my GP spoke to the early pregnancy unit on my behalf and they agreed to do a second blood pregnancy test.
The hormone levels in the second test were even lower than the first test, indicating that I was miscarrying. I was around 6 weeks pregnant.
It then took a further 3 weeks for me to start bleeding, which was extremely heavy and lasted for over a week, which is not normal for my actual period.
And just like that, it didn’t happen. I’m not pregnant, Rory won’t be a big brother yet.
I am extremely lucky that I have my beautiful son, he is clever, beautiful and healthy. But it didn’t stop me silently grieving the loss of a child that never was, a child that could have been.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, it was something I felt I had to get off my chest. If you are reading this because you are going through a similar situation, please reach out because I can be a friend, or a shoulder to cry on. I’m very fortunate that I had good support from friends and family, but I know a lot of women don’t have that support network.